First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
