she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
