i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
