I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
