I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
