Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
