apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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