We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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