I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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