I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
