Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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