I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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