I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
