my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
