the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
