Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
