I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
