3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I am midnight drunk by noon
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
