your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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