his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
