my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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