we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
