Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
