Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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