I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
