Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize