If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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