Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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