Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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