Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
