He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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