Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
