i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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