he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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