My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
