May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
