Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
