when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
