i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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