How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
