and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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