Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
