Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
