i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
