remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
