I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
