I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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