Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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