He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I wish I only lived at night.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize