There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Damn victory sex feels great
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
