my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
