I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
