He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
His nipple licking is glorious
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