apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We had sex on a dog bed..
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
