my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
