we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
