My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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