Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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