my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
