Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
