I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
