The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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