I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize