Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
