I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
