Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
whose ass print is on the piano?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
