I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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