There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
