i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
