So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize