so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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