that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
