he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
