He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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