my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
