I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Randomize
