Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
