i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
