If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
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