no, he came in my armpit
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
