Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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